Monday, July 8, 2013


Holy mother of hot days!!
It was a hot introduction to the month of July here on The Farm. 
I'm trying to stay cool under the floppy straw. But I'm one hot sweaty bitch. 
(If I had balls, I'd have sweat them off already!)
Hope you're staying cool in the shade, under a hat, with sunscreen, and a cold cocktail in hand!

It's a BALL

I love love love Ball jars. 
Especially, the vintage blue ones. 
I found these great glasses, sippys at my local grocer. And they are plastic, no breaking. AND, they are only $4.99 
How fabulous are they?!
I think The Farm needs a dozen!

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

What the HELL have I done?

I've been known, a time or two, to openly admit to losing my mind.
Sometimes I've walked, consciencely, through the doors to the looney bin.

Well I did it AGAIN! HOLY HELL what have I done?

Last year, with inspiration drawn from my friend Jenna (check out her story here) and her "summer of run", I  started my journey as a (cough cough) runner.  I've have a few highs and a few lows.  Learned a lot about myself, and others around me.  In March 2012 I completed my first 5K race.  I was not a "runner", ever.  In June 2012 I was selected via lottery to participate in the 9th Annual Mackinac Bridge run.  One of 500, that's pretty Damn Awesome! By the end of the year I had completed a whopping 6 races!  Holy hell, how did THAT happen??

So for 2013 I wanted to up the anty.  HA!  My running buddy convinced me to sign-up for a Warrior Dash, last fall (2012).  So I did (for 2013).  My cousins, freaks, convinced me to sign up for another Warrior Dash.  So I did.  Call the paddy wagon now please. And bring the jacket, I'm going to need it.  Here it is June, and I have completed 2 5K's this year.

But I needed some motivation to get my fanny back in gear.  Like big time.  Like yesterday.  As if my life depended on it. Ok, a bit dramatic, but you get the point.

I brilliantly fired off an email to my running buddy, Bets, about making a "getting our shit together" plan.  We both want to lose a little jiggle, gain some strength, and save what little sanity we had left.  We have been bouncing around the thought of training for a HALF MARATHON all year.  Say what?  Fo reeeeelllllllll? Damn, girl that's some kind of motivation.  FREAK!  So yesterday, RB Bets and I met for lunch to discuss "getting our shit together." And we agreed, ack!, to a 14 week training program for our first half marathon.  HOLY FUCK-BALLS, I did what??!!  I'm such a jackass.  
That's me, all in or nothing.  Remind me of this brilliant philosophy when I'm bitching and whining like a little girl about sore achy muscles.  Or better yet, wait for me at the finish line with a pint of Jose' .

So here's what my summer from here on out is going to look like: Oh shit!
June 10 --- start of 14 week Half Marathon training
July 6    --- RW&B 5K
July 27  --- Warrior Dash I (5k with obstacles)
August 24 --- CRIM (10 miler, to conincide with our 10 mile week of training)
?Sept 2 --- Mackinac Bridge here's hopin'
Sept 21 --- Warrior Dash II (5K with obstacles)
Oct 19  --- 1/2 Marathon in hometown.

Ok.  So it really isn't as bad as I'm making it sound.  Another philosophy to remind me of later.  I'm doing it with a GREAT RB, and hopefully making a few more along the way.

OH, and when I complete this journey, I will OFFICIALLY concider and refer to myself as a RUNNER!  Another MOTHER RUNNER!!
Oh, and as my reward for my fucking fabulous achievement, I see a new tat in my future!

Cheers, and here's to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Holy humor

A little sass inspiration this morning

A tribute to "Inside The Actors Studio"

James Lipton: "If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?"

Me: "Cocktails to right, desserts to the left and the party is waiting for you in the back!  Tear it up! You've earned it!"

Enjoy the sunshine today!

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Who needs sleep

I was/am a person who loves SLEEP.

Yup, I am one of those people that could sleep until noon on a Sunday and still go to bed at 9 that night. I've always needed my nine hours. If not, I admit, I am a flaming red-haired, snarly, grouchy, not-at-all nice growly Bitch. (Take notice of the capital B) Medusa's got nothin on me. 

So the thought of being a sleep deprived momma just about sent me over the edge. (Growly Bitch came to mind)  Sleepless nights. Uninterrupted sleep. Big bags under the eyes.  (Again,I could relate myself to Medusa.)  Jesus, shoot me now!

However I survived. As did all the members of my family, big and small alike. Ironically I found I didn't actually NEED as much sleep as I thought. Well I do, but I am a much more well adjusted growly bitch now. But when Lil'Dude was born, so was my superwoman power of extreme hearing. I now hear everything that goes bump in the night inside my house, and out.  Every creak. Every branch bending. Every car that passes. Everything. 

We have been blessed with very few sleepless nights with our now 7 1/2 year old Lil'Dude. He was always a good sleeper. Even with the pukes from time to time. He hardly ever gets up. And if he does, it's almost always a quick up and down. 

It's funny how time changes these up and downs. 

As a babe, it was "cry cry please feed me and give me clean britches then a little snuggle lovin' and I'll go right back to sleep. But don't get comfy, cuz I'm gonna want this routine again in a couple hours. Just sayin."  Insert zombie momma here. 

As a toddler, it was "momma, I need to potty."  Dude get up and go already!  "Ok babe, lets go, then lets snuggle a minute and back to sleep you go."  Or "momma, I'm thirst."  Really? It's 3 in the morning. "Ok babe, I'm coming. Quick drink. And then potty, and a snuggle, then back to sleep."

At 4-6 years old, it was snore snore "MOM! MOOOOMMMM! I need a DRRRIINNKKK!"  Excuse me!  Who the hell do you think your barking at like that at 3 in the morning?  Because I know it sure as shit isn't the woman that gave you LIFE!  "Well then get up, And get the cup next to your bed."  Sometimes it's was even the "mom. Momm are you awake?  Moooommmm." Little finger poking me in the face. "I am now buddy."  "Momma I need to go to the bathroom". Why didn't you go in that bathroom of yours that you passed on your way upstairs to my room to wake me up and tell you had to pee!  "Ok. Lets go." Growl. 

So last night, at the ripe old age of 7 1/2 years old, this is what I hear. "grumble gag grumble snort" The scraping of the stool from the island to the counter where the cabinet that holds the glasses is.  Clang and bang of the cabinet being slammed shut, at 3 in the morning mind you. And the sound of the ice maker shuffling ice around and then the splursh of water into his glass.  "glubb glubb. Ahhhhh"  Then the refreshing sound of putter pats of Lil'Dude going back to his bed without my help.  Granted I was semi coherent because I heard him get up, but I was no where near awake. And I didn't have to get my happy ass out of bed at 3 in the morning. And I'm bat-shit crazy happy over that!

VICTORY!!!  Houston, we have independence lift off!!!  (Wiggling my ass while doing the superwoman-mom happy dance)

On the flip side of this oh so momentous victory, I admit I'm a little sad. He growing up. Independent. Soon he will be asking for the car keys. SHIT!  And bringing girls home.  Oh hell no!  

Here's to wishing for many more sleep filled nights but knowing my sleepless night won't be over until he moves out of our house and gets married!

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Don't be Jealous

I gawk.
I drool.
I wink.
I pet.
I blow kisses.
I whisper sweet naughty's.

At my sexy husband.
All the time.

Why? You ask.
Because I can.
Because he is mine.
Because he loves it.

Don't be jealous.
He's all mine.
(wink wink)

Monday, April 1, 2013


I haven't completely fallen off the planet.

Slipped a little bit, but not fallen.

I haven't had much inspiration lately.

I have misplaced my motivation.  AND my brain to mouth filter is completely on the fritz.

However I have found a couple new bloggers/blogs that have inspired me recently.
SO I will be back on track very soon.

They reminded me that I have to remember to post from ME.  My heart.  My life.  My opinions, as inappropriate as they sometimes may be.  Me and all my craziness, dripping with sarcasm, foul-mouthed-ness, and "if you don't like it, walk away" attitude, unfiltered.

That's why y'all love me anyway!!

See ya soon!!
The Unfiltered Farm Wife